Swiss Family HamHam!
by Tatl-Ham
Summary: The Ham-Hams get marooned on an island! (In script format) This is my first fic, so plz ReadReview !


Yay! My first fanfic! This was originally an email to my friend, with colorful font and pictures, but I decided to upload it here! Please pleaase R+R, thanks!  
  
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Now presenting...  
  
Swiss Family Ham-Ham*  
  
*(About the title, there's a famous movie/book called Swiss Family Robinson and it's about a family that was marooned on an island)  
  
  
  
~*SCENE 1*~  
  
(Hamtaro is in his cage, next to Laura, eating a piece of various something that came from heaven-knows-where.)  
  
Laura:This is going to be a great fantastic awesome wonderful amazing day! Because I am so full of super cool ultimate fun happy genes that I'm so wonderfully magnificently happy that it is scary!!  
  
*Hamtaro continues to eat his various piece of something that came from heaven-knows-where*   
  
Laura: What are you going to do on this super cool amazing neat amazing cool day, Hamtaro?!  
  
*Hamtaro continues to eat his various piece of something that came from heaven-knows-where*  
  
Laura: Hamtaro, spit that out! How many times have I told you not to chew on pieces of various something that came from heaven-knows-where?! This could of been one of Brandy's special little gifts!   
  
Hamtaro: *thinking* Oh I'm so sorry Laura! I just love to chew! But since you said so, I will spit it out right away! I love you so much more than chewing!  
  
*Hamtaro is going to spit out his piece of various something that came from heaven-knows-where, but he accidentally chokes on it. He keels over, with little x's for eyes*  
  
Laura:OH MY GOOD-GOLLY-GOSH! HAMTARO'S DEAD! HELP! MOM! DAD! AHHHHHHH!   
  
*While Laura is running around like a maniac, Hamtaro wakes up and Laura sees him*  
  
Laura: Oh Hamtaro! Thank goodness you weren't killed! You had me so scared!  
  
*Laura picks Hamtaro up and rubs him against her face. She does that stupid little thing where she opens her mouth and closes her eyes and a little giggle comes out*  
  
Hamtaro: *thinking* HEY! PUT ME DOWN! You are stupid. You're too happy. I hate you.  
  
*Hamtaro scratches at Laura's hand until she cries out in pain and drops him*  
  
Laura: Ouch! Oh well. I still love you, even though I have a big bloody gash in my hand now! You're my beeeest friend!   
  
Hamtaro:*thinking * Yeah right.  
  
Laura: Well see ya! I'm off to have an astounding, stuper-duper, really exiting, cool, neat, fun,.. neat.. um.. bye!  
  
Hamtaro: Well off to a boring, dull, confusing, uninteresting day at the clubhouse. Ugh, I can't understand why I used to be so happy all the time.  
  
  
  
~*SCENE 2*~  
  
(The clubhouse. Everyone is there. Except for Panda. I don't like him. And Maxwell and Jingle. Not because I don't like them, but they just aren't there.)  
  
  
  
Hamtaro: Hi guys. What boring thing are we going to do today? *sigh*  
  
Bijou: Vhy are you so un'appy 'Amtaro? Vhy can't you be nice, like most of ze time?  
  
Hamtaro:Alright. I'll start over.  
  
*Hamtaro walks out*  
  
*Hamtaro enters the clubhouse*  
  
Hamtaro: HI GUYS! I LOVE YOU! I WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER! YOU ARE ALL SO GREAT! WILL YOU MARRY ME!?  
  
*All the Ham-hams slowly back away from Hamtaro*  
  
Bijou: Umm 'Amtaro? Never mind vhat I said.  
  
Hamtaro: Good.  
  
*Hamtaro walks away into a corner of the clubhouse in a chair and starts staring at everybody and pouting*  
  
Bijou: *whispering to Sandy* Ees eet just me or is 'Amtaro acting very strange today?  
  
Sandy: It would be strange for him to not be strange. But yeah, he is a little weird today.  
  
Bijou: Ahh, my point 'as beeen proven.  
  
Cappy: The reason Hamtaro is so mad is because he hates you and wants to KILL you!! Like me!!  
  
Bijou: Umm.... All right zen Cappy..  
  
*Maxwell comes bursting in*  
  
Maxwell:HEY GUYS! HEY GUYS! HEY GUYS!  
  
Boss: Geez, Maxwell, calm down before Elder-Ham has another heart attack.  
  
Elder-Ham: Eh? You young-uns are always worrying... Nothing is gonna happen to me ... ECK!  
  
*Elder-Ham sputters and then faints*  
  
Boss: Oh great, not again..  
  
*The Ham-Hams quickly rush to the hospital, to find out that nothing was wrong with Elder-Ham, he just fell asleep. So they decide to dump him out into the wilderness (because they were mad) and they went back to the clubhouse and stood in a circle.*   
  
Pashmina: So what was it that you wanted to tell us, Maxwell?  
  
Maxwell: Well, you know that marsh we went to last autumn? Well I found out that we could get across the ice, as long as somebody doesn't break it this time...  
  
*Everyone looks at Boss*  
  
Boss: What? That shovel was heavy!  
  
Stan: Are you sure the shovel was heavy?  
  
Boss: Oh, shut up.  
  
Bijou: I'm not zo zhure about zees, guyz. You know 'Amtaro has a big fear of water....  
  
Hamtaro: I'm not afraid of water, I just think it's STUPID!  
  
Pashmina: Are you so sure about that, Hamtaro? Remember when we went to Sandy Bay?   
  
*flashback*  
  
  
  
*end flashback*  
  
Hamtaro: That was back when I was stupid, and afraid of everything.  
  
Pashmina: Well, if you're sure... then I'm in for it!  
  
Hamtaro: Alright, I guess *sigh*  
  
Bijou: Me too!  
  
Penelope: Ookwee! (Translation: Me too!)  
  
Sandy: Me too!  
  
Howdy: Me too!  
  
Oxnard: Me too!  
  
Dexter: Me too!  
  
Boss: Me too!  
  
Stan:Me too!  
  
Cappy: KILL!  
  
*Everyone looks at Cappy*  
  
Cappy: Ummm.. Me too!  
  
Maxwell: All right! Then lets go!  
  
*All the Ham-Hams except Hamtaro and Snoozer put their paws in the center of the circle and then lift them*  
  
Everybody (except Hamtaro and Snoozer): Oompah!  
  
  
  
~*SCENE 3*~  
  
(The marsh. Boss is carrying Snoozer on his back, because Maxwell insisted on him coming, even though all he does is sleep)  
  
  
  
Boss: Ughh.. so heavy...  
  
Maxwell: Okay, we're almost there hams!  
  
Boss: We better be!  
  
Snoozer: Zuzuzu...  
  
*Boss suddenly trips, and falls into the other Ham-Hams like dominos, causing the ice to break and them to land on the island, which for some reason is much, MUCH bigger than last time, and Herbert is there*  
  
Dexter: Whoa, how's that for dëja vu?  
  
Sandy: Great, because of Boss's clumsiness, we are stranded on an island. Again.  
  
Voice from the trees: Though hard times may come past, we must not insult so fast. Especially to Boss, or he might start singing.  
  
Pashmina: Hey, it's Jingle! He's the only one who would dare challenge Boss's singing! Even though it is earsplitting...  
  
Boss: HEY!  
  
*Jingle jumps out of the trees *  
  
Jingle: The winds of fate have brought me to this isle of muck, for Herbert has yet again chased after another corn truck.  
  
Herbert (eating corn): Khrrmp khrrmp khrmmp..Oink!  
  
Howdy: Hey! That's a mighty fine-lookin' pig! But didja realize his nostrils are different sizes?   
  
Jingle: Yes, he is deformed.  
  
Hamtaro: Please don't remind me of that stupid occasion with your stupid pig. At least I was away from Laura. Geez, she is so idiotic.  
  
Jingle: Hambako seems very troubled.  
  
Hamtaro: CAN'T YOU EVEN GET MY NAME RIGHT YOU STUPID IDIOT!! GET AWAY FROM ME BEFORE I KILL YOU!!  
  
Cappy: Mur-der!! Mur-der!! Go Hamtaro!!  
  
Jingle: You need therapy, kids. I'm leaving, to where my soul can wander free.  
  
*He goes up in to the trees, and Herbert goes to a mud hole somewhere. But they are still on the island*  
  
Cappy: Bye Mr. Blue Birdie!!  
  
Maxwell: Okay, now that that's taken care of, we need to split up into partners.  
  
Dexter: Why?  
  
Maxwell: BECAUSE I SAID SO!!! Now, here are the partners:  
  
Penelope and Oxnard,  
  
Dexter and me,  
  
Boss and Howdy,  
  
Stan and Hamtaro,  
  
Cappy and Sandy,  
  
and Pashmina, Snoozer, and Bijou.   
  
Boss: No.  
  
Stan: No.  
  
Sandy: No.  
  
Cappy: KILL!  
  
Pashmina: And Penelope needs me to protect her!  
  
Penelope: OOKYOO OOKYOO OOKWEE!   
  
Pashmina: Penelope says to please save her from psycho hamsters that says she looks like mustard.   
  
Oxnard: Well, she does!  
  
Pashmina: Okaaaaay...  
  
Dexter: Okay, how about the pairs are the same as at the hotel.  
  
Stan: Man, I don't want to be with the geeky rabbit, Sandy might go crazy again and try to date someone.  
  
*Jingle pops his head out of the trees*  
  
Jingle: Yes, please hear out the striped one's plea, so that I , from insanity, can remain free.  
  
*Jingle leaves*  
  
Sandy: WELL THANKS A LOT, JINGLE!  
  
Boss: Plus, I am NOT going to be with Cappy. Quoting Harmony: "That would be a quick way to commit suicide."  
  
*The Ham-hams continue to fight about the pairs for awhile, so I'll just go ahead and say them:  
  
Bijou and Hamtaro  
  
Cappy and Oxnard  
  
Sandy and Maxwell  
  
Pashmina and Penelope  
  
Boss and Howdy  
  
Stan and Dexter  
  
Snoozer is by himself, "guarding" the camp*  
  
Stan: Always dump me to the nerds, huh? Why not to the girls who want me?  
  
Sandy: Um, maybe because they don't want you?  
  
Boss: Hey, I'm not exactly ecstatic about this either, Stan, but we've wasted about an hour already.  
  
Maxwell: Okay, first everybody explore the island, alright? Boss and Howdy will get water, Stan and Dexter will get firewood, Pahmina and Penelope get food, Bijou and Hamtaro get some more food, Cappy and Oxnard, umm...get some more food, and Sandy and I will stay here and help Snoozer guard.   
  
Pashmina: Can Penelope and I stay here, she's afraid of the island.  
  
Maxwell: Yeah, I guess so. Now everyone get to work.  
  
Everybody except Cappy: Okay.  
  
Cappy: KILL!  
  
  
  
~*SCENE 4*~  
  
(Okay this is actually a bunch of scenes, but, yeah)  
  
  
  
-Cappy and Oxnard are walking, and faint music is heard-  
  
Cappy: Hey, do you hear something?  
  
*Oxnard suddenly grabs his seeds and hides behind a bush*  
  
Oxnard: DON'T LET IT HURT MY BABIES!   
  
*Music gets louder, and Harmony appears*  
  
Cappy: Ooh ooh! It's Me the TV! In Angel form! Hey, cool remote! Only not morbid enough. Oh well! Now how does this work...  
  
*Cappy grabs the Love Meter out of Harmony's paws and begins to poke her with it*  
  
Harmony: Hey, stop it! Give that back!  
  
Cappy: It's...not...working....  
  
*Cappy begins to bash Harmony with the Love Meter*  
  
Cappy: WHY WON'T IT CHANGE THE CHANNEL!!??  
  
Harmony: OW! OW! OW! I didn't want to do this, but..  
  
*Harmony blasts Cappy with her Love and Friendship power or whatever*  
  
Cappy: Yay! I mean ow!  
  
Oxnard: YOU MANIAC! DON'T YOU DARE BLAST MY CHILDREN!!!  
  
Harmony: You mean your seeds?  
  
Oxnard: YES!  
  
Harmony: Oooooookay..... Well, I'm not sure if I should be asking you, er.., mentally struggling, children, but have you seen a potion anywhere? It just looks like a random something from heaven-knows-where.  
  
Cappy: Oooh ooh! Can it kill!?  
  
Harmony: Sometimes.  
  
Cappy: OH I WANT IT! I WANT IT!  
  
Harmony: You do need help. I'm leaving so I won't catch your stupid.  
  
*Harmony disappears in a puff of yellow smoke*  
  
Oxnard: Is stupidity contagious?  
  
Cappy: What's a stupid?  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   
  
  
  
-Boss and Howdy are walking to a pond to get water-  
  
  
  
Howdy: Are we ther' yet?  
  
Boss: No  
  
Howdy: How about now?  
  
Boss: No  
  
Howdy: How about now?  
  
Boss: If you keep asking, I'm going to throw you in the mud!   
  
Howdy: YEE-HAW! I haven't had a good ol mudbath in while! Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?  
  
Boss: (In English accent) Ugh..I shouldnt have told ye that.  
  
Howdy:(Also in English accent) But Boss...  
  
Boss: SHUT UP HOWDY!!  
  
Howdy: If you talk to me that way, I shall hit you with my stick!  
  
*Their accents return to normal*  
  
Boss: Whoa. Where did that come from?  
  
Howdy: It must have been one of those newfangled dimension rafts!! Maybe we kin float on one to land!  
  
Boss: They're called rifts.  
  
Howdy: That's what I said, ain't it?  
  
(Authors' Note: A rift in dimensions is when to alternate realities combine. I think you already knew that, but oh well)  
  
Boss: Anyway, we're here.  
  
Howdy: YES!!!!  
  
* Howdy jumps in the pond (which is hamster size, not like the pond where the island they are on is) and it turns brown with dirt*  
  
Boss: Uh, Howdy? We were supposed to drink the water. Now it's unsanitary.  
  
Howdy: Oh. Darn.  
  
Boss: It's okay, you desperately (and I mean desperately) needed a bath anyway. We'll just drink from the marsh pond. For some weird reason Maxwell thinks it's an ocean.  
  
Howdy: My Pa always said that too much readin' made your brain crazy.   
  
Boss: Try telling that to Maxwell.  
  
  
  
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
-Hamtaro and Bijou are walking-  
  
  
  
Hamtaro: I can't believe that we're looking for food that some greedy idiots are going to eat anyway!  
  
Bijou :*thinking* Oh 'Amtaro, vhy did you 'ave to turn zo mean?  
  
*Hamtaro is so busy complaining that he bumps right into a snake*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Bijou: 'Amtaro, maybe you zhud follow behind me.  
  
Hamtaro: O_O Yes...  
  
*They walk for a little while, and they come to a clearing, and you see hand (paw, whatever) reach out and grab Hamtaro*  
  
Bijou: 'Amtaro? 'Amtaro? Oh no, how am I ever going to get back now?!  
  
(She's really kushi-kushing, but pretend she's crying)  
  
Bijou: Oh, look, a kitten!  
  
Bijou: Aww.. you're so sweet...  
  
Kitten: Meow?  
  
*Bijou begins to pet the kitten*  
  
Kitten: MEOW!!!!  
  
*Suddenly the kitten turns around and attacks Bijou*  
  
Bijou: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 'ELP ME SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Bijou runs all the way back to the camp.*  
  
Bijou: Well, zen. I'm back, but where's 'Amtaro?  
  
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
-Stan and Dexter are picking up sticks and putting them in a bag. Well, Dexter is, anyway. Stan is just sitting on a rock, fixing his hair (fur).-  
  
  
  
Dexter: You know, it would be really nice, IF YOU WOULD ACTULLY HELP ME!!  
  
Stan: I am, man! *He picks up one stick, and puts it in the bag* See?  
  
Dexter: Alright...  
  
*Stan sits back on the rock*   
  
Dexter: STAN!!  
  
Stan: Ugh...  
  
Dexter: Hey look, Howdy dropped his phone! Hehe, I've always wanted to do this...  
  
*Dexter presses "Redial"*  
  
Dexter: Hello, could you come over?.....Thanks!  
  
*A pizza delivery ham comes*  
  
Pizza Ham: Hey! Dida soma body ordera a pizza?  
  
Dexter: Ooops. Hey, how did you get here?  
  
Pizza Ham: Bya boata. Well, I canna seea I'ma nota needed hera.  
  
*Pizza Ham leaves*  
  
Dexter: HEY WAIT!!! Ergh.. there goes our free ride... Okay, I won't get the wrong number this time!  
  
*Dexter goes to "Memory" and finds Kung-Fu's name, and he comes*  
  
Kung-Fu: What does strange circled-eyed rat want?  
  
Dexter: Um.. they're glasses, but I need you to go beat up Howdy.  
  
Kung-Fu: No.  
  
Dexter: I'll give you 10 sunflower seeds?  
  
Kung-Fu: Me not hurt Howdy for 30 seed.  
  
Dexter: 40?  
  
Kung-Fu: Deal.  
  
  
  
~*SCENE 4*~  
  
(The Ham-hams are arriving at the camp)  
  
  
  
Cappy: Hey guys, look what I found!  
  
*Cappy brings in a flamingo on a leash*  
  
Flamingo: Honk.  
  
Pashmina: Cappy, you can't keep that, it's gigantic! It's over twice the size of the whole clubhouse!  
  
Cappy: So?  
  
Pashmina: It can eat you!  
  
Cappy: Not if I eat it first!  
  
Pashmina: O_O  
  
Dexter: I thought you liked pain, Cappy.  
  
Cappy: Nah. I decided pain an agony is less fun than causing others pain and agony!  
  
Pashmina: Great. Another Spat.  
  
Cappy: Hey, we should join a club! E.V.I.L.!  
  
Every  
  
Villain  
  
Is  
  
ummm....Lemons!  
  
*Dexter, Stan and Kung-Fu enter*  
  
Kung-Fu: What is the pink one doing here?  
  
Cappy: Pink One! That's the perfect name for you!!  
  
Pink One: Honk.  
  
Maxwell: Hey, I read about flamingos one time! It has been observed that ingestion of shrimp and plankton causes the color of young flamingos to change the color of their outermost layer of skin!  
  
Boss: Er...  
  
Maxwell: *sigh* Flamingos eat shrimp, so they turn pink.  
  
Cappy: Ooh! So if I feed it a leaf, it'll turn green!  
  
Maxwell: Not exactly...  
  
*Cappy feeds Pink One a leaf, and he turns green*  
  
Maxwell: Whoa. O_O That's defying the laws of chemical biology.  
  
Howdy: Does thait mean he's not Pink One no more?  
  
Cappy: No, I like that name!  
  
*Suddenly Hamtaro arrives*  
  
Bijou: Oh 'Amtaro, you're finally back! I vas zo worried about you!  
  
*Hamtaro pushes Bijou away, and transforms into Spat. Or takes off his costume, or whatever.*  
  
Sandy: AHHH! HELP!!! MAXWELL, SAVE ME!!!  
  
Maxwell: BACK AWAY, DEVIL!!! BEWARE OF MY SUPER NERUO BRAIN POWER!!!!  
  
*Maxwell begins to throw erasers and paper clips at Spat*  
  
Pashmina: Umm.. Maxwell? I hope you know that isn't working. Not to mention looks incredibly stupid.  
  
Maxwell: I thought it was a good try...  
  
Spat: PTHPTH! My various piece of something from heaven-knows-where didn't work on your little brat, so I had to come kill you myself!  
  
*While all the ham-hams back away, Cappy walks up to Spat. He is wearing a badge that looks like this:  
  
*  
  
Cappy: Hello, sir. Would you be interesting in joining Every Villian Is Lemons?  
  
Spat:Ummmm...?  
  
Sandy: Just ignore him.  
  
Kung-Fu: Ahhh, it is time for me to get my revenge!  
  
Spat: What did I do?  
  
Kung-Fu: YOU SPOKE NONSENSE! AND YOU STILL DO!  
  
*Kung-Fu runs towards Spat, but Spat zaps him and freezes him*  
  
Spat: Aha! Good thing I came prepared this time! Now back to buisness!  
  
*Suddenly Pink One comes toward Spat and tries to eat him*  
  
Spat: PTHPFTH! Get off me you stupid bird!!  
  
*A guy (a human guy) rowing a rowboat in the lake suddenly sees Pink One attacking Spat*  
  
Guy: OH MY GOSH!!!!!!  
  
*Guy quickly rows to land*  
  
Policeman: So, you saw a green flamingo eating a demonic hamster who was having a seizure?  
  
Guy: YES!  
  
Policeman: Ooookay....  
  
*You see some insane guards taking away the guy*  
  
Guy: I'M TELLING THE TRUTH! THE TRUTH I TELL YOU!!!!  
  
(Anyway...)  
  
*Spat zaps Pink One*  
  
Pink One: Honk.  
  
Cappy: NO! HE WAS SO YOUNG!!!  
  
Pink One: Honk.  
  
*Pink One dies*  
  
Cappy( in slow motion): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh well!  
  
Spat: Now, for the second time, BACK TO BUISNESS!  
  
*Suddenly Harmony appears*  
  
Spat: UGGH! HOW MANY INTERRUPTIONS ARE THERE GOING TO BE!!!! Uh-oh. Umm... Hello Harmony...  
  
*Spat's theme, which was playing, now gets mixed up with Harmony's theme, resulting in an earsplitting combination*  
  
Dexter: AHHH! OH HEAVENLY GUMDROPS STOP IT!!  
  
Harmony: Oh, sorry.   
  
*Harmony turns off a cd player that was inside her by poking her nose*  
  
Boss: Okay...  
  
Cappy: Yay! It's Glenda, the good witch of the north!! But what about the good witch of the south? Maybe Harmony's the good witch of the south! And Spat is the wicked wizard of the east! And Boss is the wicked wizard of the west! And Elder Ham is the good wizard of the north!! And..  
  
*While Cappy is ranting, Harmony hits Spat with her wand and he shoots up until he is just a tiny star in the distance.*  
  
Spat: Team Rocket blasting off agaaaaaaaaain.. Wait- what?  
  
*Hamtaro comes out of the forest, hopping because is bound and gagged*  
  
Stan: Can't we just leave him like that?  
  
Harmony: I wish.. but.. no.  
  
*Harmony unties Hamtaro, and he is back to normal*  
  
Hamtaro: Oh, I'm so glad I'm back to normal so I can help you guys out!  
  
Stan: Ugh... those few hours were so bliss..  
  
Harmony: Well I can tow you back to land now.  
  
Everyone: Yay!  
  
  
  
~*SCENE 5*~  
  
  
  
Laura (thinking) : I had a wonderful day today! In Math we had a test, and I got a 30! I'm so glad! The rest of the day, we just sat and did work! It was sooooooooooooo fun!  
  
Hamtaro: We had a great day too, Laura! Only I turned evil and was mean to everybody, but they forgave me! I think..  
  
Laura: Today was a great day Hamtaro! And tommorows going tp be even better! And the next day.. and the next day..and the next day..and the next day..and the next day..and the next day..and the next day..and the next day...  
  
*A random neighbor throws a shoe at Laura*  
  
Random Neighbor: SHUT UP Y'DARN KIDS!  
  
Laura: Owwwwwwww.....  
  
  
  
  
  
FINI!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Well, how was it? I hope you liked! ^_^ I have another script, but I'm not gonna post it till I get some reviews!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Genya's # :704-799-0276  
  
Anime--Joy@triad.rr.com 


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